I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
