Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
