I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
