I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
