I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
