My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
