I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
