What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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