I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
