So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
