The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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