Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
