Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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