My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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