o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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