don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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