so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
