Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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