YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
