it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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