i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize