the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
