Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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