Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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