Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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