Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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