Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
