come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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