Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
