Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
