were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I could fuck to npr.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
