I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize