Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
