I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
