Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize