Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize