her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
