I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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