It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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