Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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