i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
