Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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