So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
