Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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