im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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