Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
