i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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