I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
