so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize