That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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