hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
