picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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