Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
