chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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