Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
