your room smells of hookers.
And success
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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