hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
