I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I AM VODKA MAN
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
