Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
