apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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