plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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