Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
