Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
