I hate your face
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize