That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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