Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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